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love [Nov. 9th, 2005|11:30 pm]
i miss him. im in love with him. im scared.
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(no subject) [Nov. 9th, 2005|10:56 pm]
Here and now it’s always the same
I run and hide
In the murky dwellings of the unfamiliar
I try to escape but it follows
No matter how much I want to get away
I can’t
I can’t
I can’t
Not wanting to is the real reason why
So many words are stuck in the throats
If they were let out, it make this world easier
You go first then I’ll follow
I’ve always been good at follow the leader
I’d say everything from here to the moon
Once I start it would spill like a rushing fountain
My words, thoughts, and love
All of it
Once you start I no longer be scared
Sleep once in this twenty one days
Would come so much easier
I admit, I’m liar
I fake
I act
I love
I’m empty now….and I realized so much more
I now know how it feels and I would never yell again
Money has no meaning now
It holds an intangible fate
Looks are worthless; I no longer notice pretty faces
All I see is one…and one is all I need to see
I miss you not only while I’m awake, but much worse while I’m asleep
So I sit and wait in this pretty dress and ringlet curls
Hoping you can’t resist my beauty….or at lest my soul.
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i've got a hunger twisting my stomach into knots Ba BA BA ba This is the sound of settling [Nov. 7th, 2005|02:01 pm]
[Feelings sumed up in one word |blankblank]
[Melody |Coldplay- fix you]

i just keep deleting everything i type...nothing is coming out right because my brain is so confused. what happened to my words... i used to be so good and letting them out. making them flow freely like a chifon party dress. now their stift and stale. my words no longer hold hope. i don't know how much longer i can let my words fight eachother. i miss him. thats all my words can conjure up.
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A poem i wrote for some one im in love with [Oct. 26th, 2005|01:03 pm]
[Feelings sumed up in one word |depresseddepressed]
[Melody |Coldplay- fix you]

The Number One Contender of the Heart

There’s a number one contender
For the middleweight crown
The same number one contender for
One girl’s heart

He knocked all the competition out
With just one punch
Every man showed mercy,
When they saw his broad shoulders
And his colossal arms, that were fit for a god.

With a whistling right hook, a jab,
And a counterpunch he leads way to
Every victory, leaving his opponent wishing they had never
Stepped into the ring, as they slowly fall
To the clammy mat beneath them,
He throws up his red gloved hands
And he graciously accepts the praises surrounding him.

Until one day this Champ,
Put his mind in a prison cell,
But one time he could-a been
The champion of the world
And the champion of one girl’s heart.

She dreams of the day he’ll step back into the ring,
The ring of her heart,
With his fists blazing and take out all competition with
Quick hands and great wheels
And reclaimed the title for the
Number one contender
For the middleweight crown and her heart.

She would wrap his hands and walk him to the ropes
And when the punches fly, she would swab his bloody
Cuts and ice any swelling no matter how bad it came to be.
This girl believes that he has what it takes too undisputedly
Win the title of anything he dreams.

But, this Champ, caught in a clinch
Put his heart in a prison cell,
But one time he could-a been
The champion of the world
And the champion of one girl’s heart.

No matter what, she’ll be in the ring
Pulling the trigger with ripping right hooks and brutal uppercuts
Fighting for him,
The Champion of her heart
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(no subject) [Feb. 10th, 2005|11:52 am]
i had a very nice night last night. im excited for this weekend......first me nad christopher have fun friday ....then tasha comes home nad me and christopher hang out with her nad andrew. then i spend hte ngiht with her.....then saturday night i get to spend with Ashley...AKA POOP!! im really excited! Now its on to making every ones homemade valetiMes day cards. Because i love my Tasha~ so she gets one. nad love my AShley~ she gets another
and i love my Meghan~ that makes three...nad i LOVE my christopher thats a huge one to make.
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Shiny Dolled Up Faces [Jan. 13th, 2005|12:14 am]
[Feelings sumed up in one word |angryangry]
[Melody |maroon 5_ harder to breath]

A blank page. a fresh start. write what i want. what i feel. let my words flow out on to this page so my mind can be free from all the worry nad everyhting eles. worry. that is my job. it is dark now aside from the light of my computer screen. and im scared. scared from things that a 5 year old is. i see the black in the cracks of the door and think something or someone is out there waiting for me. or they are in my closet or behind my mirrior. most of all im scared maybe shes the one in the dark. she who brings my wrost fears. that part of me is the crazy part. the part of all girls. the part of girls that make us call on the phone but we have to quick and quiet. the part of us girls that makes us do things we would never do before. its deep down in all of us. rooted in us since we were little. raised with dreams of princesses and bueatiful girls with blonde hair and fair skin. with a little up turned nose and a voice of an angel. Our barbies, with thier big breats and tiny waists. i only had one ken doll so all my girls had to fight over him...and my prettiest barbie, the one with long shiny hair, the best clothes, and no scrapes or marker on her got ken.
She scares me. she does this no matter where she lives. she could live here. she could live in new york. she scares us girls. the better barbie doll.

She keeps me up at night. she hinds in my mirror, in my drawers, in my compact. she comes out just for a split second, enough time to make me self consicous. and then she crawls back to the dark hole she came from. a dark hole where she is scared of the same things as i. I scare her as much as she scares me. One battle never won. eyelashes never long enough, lips never plump enough, stomachs are never flat enough, hair never staight enough. Our looks will never be enough. every one knows my next line a little too well, looks do not matter.
but its her personality that scares me.
because mine will always be the soft spoken, the scarrted minded, the gigglier, the day dreamer, the needy, the complainer, the crier, the poet, the one with out a back bone.
i don't have the wit, the charm, im not a jokester, i don't have the intellgence, or the power to demand what i want.

one thing that scares her is the owner of the heart.
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christmas gift [Dec. 24th, 2004|02:20 am]
[Feelings sumed up in one word |ecstaticecstatic]

chris got me a nackalce with emarleds nad diamonds, i almost cried to because i loveed it so much....and the lord of the rings game and to top it all off a walk to remember. i was sooo excited. i had lots of fun tonight. i hung out with my baby and mike. mike gave me EEEk. we had lots of fun and baby made me spin so i couldn't walk.

1 day untill chrismas~~ YAY
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OHH YEAH! [Dec. 24th, 2004|02:19 am]
i have the best boyfriend in the world!!! i love him sooo much!!! he made me sooo happy tonight. i can't wait untill we can read a book.
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(no subject) [Dec. 16th, 2004|10:11 am]
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really shouldn't be writting this...have to many IMPORTANT things to do. [Dec. 15th, 2004|04:10 pm]
[Feelings sumed up in one word |discontentdiscontent]
[Melody |ashlee simpson- undiscovered]

i have so much stuff to do. so i shouldn't even be sitting here writting in this thing. but i feel the past couple days im overwhelemed and over strained. so maybe writting willl help. im constenly thinking about money, how to get it nad not spend it so i can buy everyone christmas presents they will actually enjoy. i stressed i haven't registered for second semester yet. im so confused i don't even know what classes to take. i wish everything would just stop nad give me a few days to catch up. im tired, the kind of tired where sleeping doesn't even help. i wish i could just have one day for me. where i wake up and my beds already made, my rooms clean, my hiars done nad my clothes are on. nad people want to do what i want for that day for a huge change. and no one yells at me, i don't disspoint anyone. and my freinds don't stab me in the back. nad girls are just simple creatures who don't hurt other girls on pupose. a day where i look pretty and i can smile without anything in the back of mind. i hate how if i want to be sad i can't because i feel guilty if i am sad.
i just want one perfect day. spend the day with baby, where nothing or noone is there to distract us from eachother. and i can just sit there in his arms where he makes me laugh and takes away all my worries. and the next day everything can go cak to being the crazy life i live. but jsut for one perfect day id give everything.
im freaking out today, i don't want to grow up. im scared.
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